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Raising a teenager

June 1, 2011 By
Two adolescent couples at the 2009 Western Ida... 

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Raising a teenager can be a daunting task. Most teenagers will tell you that they know everything there is to know about life. However, it is your job to help them realize otherwise. Teenagers need to continue to be guided by their parents whether they like it or not. Here are a few tips to help you along the way.

First and foremost, listen to your teenager. Listening and paying attention to your teenage gives them someone to talk to when they have questions. Just think, if you are listening to them and giving them advice, who is?

Be their parent, not their friend. Some parents want to be their teenagers best friend. This can create problems by allowing the teenager to not listen to their parent. Your child needs to be given clear responsibilities and disciplined. If you are acting like their best friend, then you will have a very rebellious teenager.

Be firm with your teenager, but not overbearing. Give your child rules to follow and consequences for not following the rules. Make sure their are clear cut guidelines and not just rules that you make up as you go. Children want the feeling of protection and comfort from their parents and a routine and rules to follow will help them later in life as well as help you control your teen now.

With different parenting styles out there, there is no right or wrong way to be a parent. Just make sure that you raise the best child that you can with the circumstances that are given to you.


Filed Under: Pressures & Privileges Tagged With: , ,

Dealing With Your Teens Drinking

May 4, 2011 By
Drunk girls 

Image by Fernando Ariotti via Flickr

Many parents are not sure what to do when they find out that their teen is drinking underage. They don’t want to make a mistake that will cause their child long-term side-effects, or that will encourage them to rebel and to drink even more.

Luckily for parents, they are not alone on this issue. There are many different forms of support networks that they can rely on so that they can work together with their teen on this problem.

When it comes to alcohol, it is easy to become addicted. Getting your teen into an addiction recovery course can help them look at the root of why they are choosing to drink. It can also give them the tools and support that they need to stop drinking. There are also groups and programs that many churches have to help parents as well.

It is important to address the issue and start dealing with it before your teen ends up in the court system, and then ultimately in juvenile detention or even jail. Having firm boundaries in place from the time that they are young is the best approach, but if your already dealing with a drinking teen, then you want to get as much support as you can.

Making it harder for them to access alcohol in your home and setting firm limits is a great start, but getting them into a 12 week program with Alcoholics Anonymous may be the best thing that you can do for them right now.

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Making A Difference At Any Age

April 15, 2011 By

It is important for parents to help their own children realize how fortunate they are. Kids today see a lot of different things every day in school. They see children they know are poor, with tattered clothing, and hand me down back packs. A lot of kids feel there is nothing they can do; they are too young to make a difference. It is up to parents to show their children just how much of a difference they can make.

The majority of today’s youth are good kids. With a little guidance they can find ways to be big contributors to today’s social problems. There are so many ways for them to make a difference. As parents, it is a part of the job description to encourage children to be the best they can be. There are so many ways to help out. There are organizations who need our youth to generate interest in their programs. Kars for Kids is a charitable organization where you can donate a car and the profit made from that donation is used to fund important programs for kids. While our youth do not have cars to donate, their parents do. A charitable donation by a parent teachers their children the importance of getting involved and helping those less fortunate then themselves.

It is absolutely true that the children of today are the world of the future. Teaching them now to be compassionate and caring about others, pitching in and helping out, volunteering for those less fortunate, will breed compassionate and caring adults. That is something this world definitely could use, with the future looking brighter all the time.

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Involve Your Teen in Your Budget Plan

January 30, 2011 By

Money is tight for many families these days. Parents are looking for ways to tighten their budget so they can afford to pay the household bills and put groceries on the table. Some parents work multiple jobs in order to take care of their kids, and make sure they have everything they need. Parents can do more for their older children, particularly teenagers, by making them a part of their budget plans.

By including their teens in their budget plan, parents can help them learn how to budget money at an early age. Including them will also make their teens feel like a part of the household by helping to contribute to what goes into the budget each week or month, and will help them learn responsibility. Parents can use several tools for planning their budgets, and involving their teens in it.

When the time comes to plan your budget, call your teens in for a family meeting. Explain to them your financial situation, and that by planning a family budget, you’ll be able to pay all of your bills, put food on the table for everyone, plan for emergencies, and hopefully put some money into savings. Let them see exactly what amount needs to go towards all of the household bills every month, so they’ll understand why the need for a budget and financial planning is necessary. Encourage your teens to come up with some ways that you can save some money, such as foregoing some of their usually favorite grocery items, getting a part-time job to help expenses, and opening up their own savings account with their part-time job income or allowance.

You’ll also want to discuss emergency funds. One idea you can all discuss is the possibility of a payday loan from companies such as GreatPlainsLending. Explain to your teens what a payday loan is, and how it works.

By involving your teen in budget planning, they’ll learn responsibility.

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Encouraging Communication with your Teenager

December 25, 2010 By

There are many things that parents can do to encourage regular open communication with a teenager. Talking to your child regularly and keeping this communication open will make the big talks easier and help you both to navigate the teenage years a little better.

Time it Right
Coming into your teenager’s bedroom for a talk signals that this has to be something important or that you think they have done something wrong. One of the best places for conversations is in the car when you are headed to or from an obligation. This is time when you have a captive audience and can chat without it feeling forced or pressured. Use this time to your advantage by starting conversations that will help your teen to feel comfortable coming to you with problems and talking about what is going on in his or her life.

Be Open
One of the main reasons teenagers stop sharing with their parents is that they feel they are being judged or criticized for their choices and actions. It is important to let them know from an early age that they can talk to you about anything and that you only want what’s best for them. Don’t criticize their decisions simply because you would have done things differently, always remember that you and your child are different people. As long as they are making safe choices, encourage them to think for themselves.

Show Your Trust
When your child has friends over, try to give them some privacy. It can be tempting to put yourself in the middle of the party to check up on them, but showing your teenager that you trust them is a great way to encourage them to make decisions that will maintain that trust. Teens who are trusted by their parents are also more likely to share details about their lives freely with their parents.

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Building a Relationship with your Young Adult

December 10, 2010 By

Helping your child move from childhood to adulthood can be a challenging process. It can also be one of the most rewarding times in your relationship. Learning to relate to your child as an adult can be a long process, but the resulting relationship will be well worth it.

Be Open to Change
Your child may have wanted to be a teacher since age six, but once college hits, these things can always change. Maybe your child has just discovered a love of anthropology and now wants to work in a museum. The best thing a parent can do for their young adult is to be supportive through changes of plans. Young adults still have a lot to discover and are entitled to change their minds a few times along the way. The same goes for relationships, breakups, and long-time friends who may fall in and out of each others’ lives. Your best call is to never question or pry, simply ask good questions and offer your support.

Learn to Relate as Adults
You can share home improvement stories and nightmares with your new homeowner, recipes and kitchen disasters with your budding chef, and begin to relate to your child in a new way as they explore life on their own. When you keep communication open, this can be a fun and interesting time. It’s time for you to be there to answer questions if they ask, but be open to learning things from your child too.

Enjoy Changing Dynamics
Don’t get bogged down by the relationships that you had with your children as teenagers or the roles that each child fell into when they all lived at home. As children leave home and grow up, things will change, and while it’s tempting to expect the same old dynamics to continue, they rarely do. Give them space to grow and you’ll open up an entire world of new dynamics within your same old family.

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Relating to Your Teenagers’ Friends

December 6, 2010 By

Meeting your teenagers’ friends can be a challenge for parents. It’s tempting to judge their personal style, habits, and speech as a reflection of your own child, but it’s important to hold your judgments at first. Being kind to your teenagers’ friends will help your relationship and prevent unnecessary conflicts from bubbling up at home.

Be Welcoming
When your teenager brings friends into your home, you want to encourage this by making it a welcoming place for them. Offer them food or drink the way you’d greet any guests, introduce yourself, and then make yourself scarce and give them space to relax and the privacy that all teenagers crave. Making your home a safe place for them to hang out will help encourage your teenager to include you and the home in future plans, knowing that their friends are welcome too.

Resist Making Judgments
When one of your teenager’s friends dresses differently or has traits that strike you as less than desirable, it’s easy to make judgments about your own teenager as well. Resist this to avoid conflicts. Just because a friend has a piercing doesn’t mean your teenager is planning to get one tomorrow, nor does it make him or her any less of a good person. Take time to ask questions and find out what your teenager’s friends are really like before you define them by stereotypes. Your teenager will notice and appreciate your openness.

Talk If You Have Concerns
If you are concerned about one of your teenager’s friends or believe they may be in danger or abusing substances, talk to your teenager about in privately first. They may be able to give you insights into what you saw. Approaching the subject calmly will help your teenager to give you the facts and encourage them to talk with you about anything that is going on in their circle of friends.

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